Jump to content

Umbrellas


greenjoe

Recommended Posts

For most of my life, I have been able to take an umbrella into a stadium in rainy weather. I had to look over the umbrella in front of me and people behind me had to look over mine. After 9-11 that changed. No more umbrellas and my wife's purse is searched, maybe, prior to getting into the game.

Last night, it was raining cats and dogs when I got to the Coliseum. I had my umbrella with me expecting to be told I couldn't take it inside with me. Not only did no one say a word about the umbrella, but there was a dispenser full of plastic umbrella bags for me to pit my wet umbrella in. They were anticipating lots of people bringing umbrellas.

Since the ban on umbrellas at Fouts, I have been told I couldn't take the umbrella in because it could be used as a weapon. OK. I'm fine with that. But if that's the case, couldn't my umbrella be used as a weapon at the Coliseum as well ?

GO MEAN GREEN

PS---Don't come to the basketball games because a "name-brand " team is playing. Come because the Mean Green is playing. GMG

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Since the ban on umbrellas at Fouts, I have been told I couldn't take the umbrella in because it could be used as a weapon. OK. I'm fine with that.

Ummm... Why would you be fine with that? That's just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard of (except perhaps current TSA procedures). Has the whole world gone stupid on us? Trust me, the human body is a far more effective weapon than an umbrella. I probably should shut up before people are banned from the sporting events as well! Gee whiz.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry 96. I was trying to show irony. Ya see, if an umbrella is dangerous at a football game, it could also be dangerous at a basketball game I reasoned. And I understand that rain is less a problem indoors than out, but the "weapon" thing remains. Again, sorry.

PS We haven't had any airplanes crashed into buildings since the TSA came on line.

Edited by greenjoe
  • Upvote 1
  • Downvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

For most of my life, I have been able to take an umbrella into a stadium in rainy weather. I had to look over the umbrella in front of me and people behind me had to look over mine. After 9-11 that changed. No more umbrellas and my wife's purse is searched, maybe, prior to getting into the game.

Last night, it was raining cats and dogs when I got to the Coliseum. I had my umbrella with me expecting to be told I couldn't take it inside with me. Not only did no one say a word about the umbrella, but there was a dispenser full of plastic umbrella bags for me to pit my wet umbrella in. They were anticipating lots of people bringing umbrellas.

Since the ban on umbrellas at Fouts, I have been told I couldn't take the umbrella in because it could be used as a weapon. OK. I'm fine with that. But if that's the case, couldn't my umbrella be used as a weapon at the Coliseum as well ?

GO MEAN GREEN

PS---Don't come to the basketball games because a "name-brand " team is playing. Come because the Mean Green is playing. GMG

At least we can still sneak in a flask

Edited by Dr. Seuss
  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry 96. I was trying to show irony. Ya see, if an umbrella is dangerous at a football game, it could also be dangerous at a basketball game I reasoned. And I understand that rain is less a problem indoors than out, but the "weapon" thing remains. Again, sorry.

People are less likely to argue a ban on umbrellas citing security. Until you have someone in front of you use an umbrella you don't understand how much of a pain umbrellas are in a football stadium because someone's umbrella keeps bumping into you and blocking your view of the field. If you want to stay dry bring a rain suit or stay at home.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is well known that the folded umbrella is more likely to be used as a weapon than one that is in its open and most vulnerable phase. The folded umbrella can be wielded as a spike, spear or poison delivery system, as in the case of Bulgarian dissident Georgi Markov, murdered at a London bus stop in 1978 with a ricin-filled dart hidden in an umbrella's ferrule by a person unknown, mostly likely someone linked to the KGB and the Bulgarian secret police. The opened umbrella, encountered most often during a rainy or snowy interlude, is more of an annoyance than a danger, in large part because its holder is unable to see the victim and can only flail and poke with little more than comic effect while the victim runs away unseen and unscathed. In addition, opening an umbrella indoors brings bad luck to its holder. Thus the potential offender, unable to realize the umbrella's killing force when it is opened during a rainy football game, chooses to fold the umbrella upon entering the coliseum door for basketball and has at the ready, complete with the disarmingly quaint drips falling on the terrazzo, an implement of doom. Ergo, from the standpoints of law enforcement and international security, the opened umbrella outdoors is always to be preferred over the folded one within.

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is well known that the folded umbrella is more likely to be used as a weapon than one that is in its open and most vulnerable phase. The folded umbrella can be wielded as a spike, spear or poison delivery system, as in the case of Bulgarian dissident Georgi Markov, murdered at a London bus stop in 1978 with a ricin-filled dart hidden in an umbrella's ferrule by a person unknown, mostly likely someone linked to the KGB and the Bulgarian secret police. The opened umbrella, encountered most often during a rainy or snowy interlude, is more of an annoyance than a danger, in large part because its holder is unable to see the victim and can only flail and poke with little more than comic effect while the victim runs away unseen and unscathed. In addition, opening an umbrella indoors brings bad luck to its holder. Thus the potential offender, unable to realize the umbrella's killing force when it is opened during a rainy football game, chooses to fold the umbrella upon entering the coliseum door for basketball and has at the ready, complete with the disarmingly quaint drips falling on the terrazzo, an implement of doom. Ergo, from the standpoints of law enforcement and international security, the opened umbrella outdoors is always to be preferred over the folded one within.

This makes me happy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. Please review our full Privacy Policy before using our site.